Defeated for now

This is a bit out of the scope of the topic of my blog. But it's my blog so I can do whatever I want with it, right?

Ever feel like you just don't know what to do anymore? About anything? While there's so much riding on you from people who think you're just so great. "You're so smart, so bright, so full of potential," they say and you just feel like the biggest loser. You don't know how to deal with your first love, if there's even anything salvageable after all these years, you don't feel like you can be very good at school, you wonder your potential anymore, your interests, passions, goals, motivations. What do I do? All of this is my fault, I know... Who else do I have to blame for feeling like this?

I don't even know what I want anymore, ya know? -for ANYthing. You name it: I won't know.

I just feel sooooo....... SOOOOOOO................ defeated. I'm sorry for being a whiny baby. I'm just having a not so good moment.

Honestly, I just want to run away to a foreign country where no one knows me and no one can have pre-judgments upon my character-whether good or bad.
Am I allowed to do that? If I run away now and come back in a few months, could I still get financial aid for school? See this? Always an internal battle with myself. I won't do anything that risks something I fear I won't ever get back. I drive myself crazy, I swear.

Where should I go hypothetically?
Europe?
Asia?
Russia?

Can I just leave and subsist off the land or something...? Does it work like that? I feel like that only happens in movies.

3rd Times the Charm with bread

So remember when I talked about my failure of making bread in my earlier post? The one with the pretzels and what not. After that fail, I tried again. I failed. Now I tried again today. I DIDN'T FAIL!!! :c) It's a great achievement. What happened was probably the dry yeast I was using from my mom's cabinet. Now I should have known not to use it. The instructions in the back were all in a foreign language for goodness sake. Good thing I ran out of milk when I decided to take a crack at making dough again because I bought some American brand yeast, too. So my earlier mistake was in just throwing the yeast in the dry flour without proofing it first which didn't activate the yeast so my bread didn't rise.


I learnt that to proof yeast:
-stir the packet of active dry yeast into a 1/4 c. of warm water, 
-then add a teaspoon of sugar and wait till the yeast grows x2 it's original size so you will see when it has proofed, as people call it. 

Here is the recipe again for the dough.

I made some bread sticks and rolls out of them. The dip is just balsamic and extra virgin olive oil which was what we had. I don't think I like this brand of olive oil though. It kind of made the taste of the dip a little bitter.  I also need to work on a better way to kneed my dough or something because every one of my rolls cracked where the seems were from kneeding. ergh... oh well.
I also put some different seasonings on each one of the breads.
Honestly though... I didn't care for the taste of this recipe. It was kind of bland.
I also don't think 10-15 minutes is enough baking time.
Also, if you're planning to make burger buns, The recipe will make 8 buns, not 12 or else they will be too small. Those are the size in the picture shown when you divide it into 12 portions.
Anywayyyyyssssssss.............. I feel good to have finally gotten the bread to rise, but I'm still disappointed that it didn't come out better tasting and prettier.
:(
):

Lunch box it!

I'm just kidding. I don't have a lunch box... anymore :(. I used to have a bento box. Now parts of it are probably scattered everywhere. But I did make my lunch for tomorrow. I find this to important to prepare at least for a few work days. As I'm currently working at McDonalds for the summer and for the past 3 years, you fall into one of two traps. (Okay, not really). You'll fall into the trap of finding it extremely convenient to get an employee discount on McD food or getting your shift meal than eating anything else. This is obviously dangerous. Okay so that was me in the beginning within the first year or so. Then I began to gain a bit of weight. It was just a TID bit. Maybe 5-10 lbs. Which made me rethink my diet.
Anyways, I'm going off on some tangent.

This one wasn't anything special. I just wanted to take a picture of it and blog. It's just rice, an omelet, and a mushroom stir fry. 

I really have got to invest in a good camera. I want to start taking professional looking pictures :).